What should I do to avoid arguing with mom during these crazy times?

Hey girl! I want to start off by saying that you are not alone in this situation. Every girl has at one point or another gotten into an argument with her mom, no matter how good their relationship is. Tensions are especially high in situations like this, not only with our mothers, but anyone that we’re quarantined with and around all the time. We’re already anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed as it is, and that can make it all too easy to take our emotions out on the people around us, no matter how much we love them. So, don’t beat yourself up too much over it. It happens to the best of us, and it doesn’t make you a bad person for being, well, a normal human being who experiences all kinds of emotions, including anger and frustration. 

I have actually recently experienced this myself, where I let my stress get the best of me, and I wasn’t handling it well. I found myself getting annoyed and irritated at the littlest things people said or did around me, including my mom. And that is so unhealthy because after acting like a jerk, I would cry and feel so guilty, and think about all the things I should have said or done differently for hours on end. When it started happening one, too many times, I realized that I need to start making active changes to prevent the same toxic situation from happening again.

There are a few things that I’ve tried, and felt made a huge difference. For one, we all know ourselves well enough to know when we’re in a bad or irritated mood, and sometimes without any obvious reason, so if you find yourself already worked up and annoyed, it’s probably best to take some time to yourself to cool off. Do something that you enjoy to make yourself feel better, whether it’s reading a book, writing, watching your favorite show, drawing, etc, and hopefully this will give you good vibes and change your mood altogether.

But, if you’re in a situation where something your mom says or does triggers you, or makes you annoyed, pause, and take a second to collect yourself and your thoughts before you respond or react. Think if what she said or did is truly worth getting mad over and potentially saying things you may regret later. And as hard as it may be, try to let it go. Say Astaghfirullah repeatedly to ease your mind, and walk out of the room if necessary until you’ve cooled off. 

What has also helped me is that I try to shift that negative energy into positive energy by thinking about all of the great things my mom has done for me, which makes it so much harder for me to be upset at her, no matter what she said or did. After all, as much it may annoy or bother you when your parents try to control and get involved in your life, question your decisions, or give you unsolicited advice, it’s always coming from a place of love, protection, and care (at least for the most part!). At the end of the day, our parents are at the age where bad habits can be hard to change, so it’s up to us to change our behaviors.

That doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t confront your mother when you think she has said or done something wrong or hurtful. But maybe just not in the heat of the moment. Arguing won’t resolve anything, but talking things out calmly will allow you to get your feelings out, while also understanding her point of view. Having understanding is so much better than regret, trust me. Especially when, a lot of the time, things are just miscommunicated or taken the wrong way

What I always think about, especially with my parents getting older, and my mom recently having gotten sick, is that our parents won’t be around forever, and we will miss hearing them say or seeing them do even the things that frustrated us the most.

What’s so stressful about living through this world pandemic is that things are so uncertain–how long it will last, if we’ll end up getting sick or, if our loved ones will. Sometimes, as careful as we try to be, things can just be out of our control. But while we can’t fully control this situation, we can control the things we say and do.

So, let’s try to say only the things we would never regret saying if we knew it was going to be the last thing we said to somebody, especially our parents. If anything, this situation should make us more grateful and mindful in all the ways–about our hygiene, health, wellness, faith, and the way we treat others and handle even the hardest of situations. 

Also, take this as an opportunity to spend quality time with and get closer to your mom. You may already be doing this, but if not, doing fun activities together will not only ease the tension, but will make this situation so much easier and more enjoyable to get through.

You will get through this. You just need to be strong, have patience, and remember to breathe. 

It doesn’t look like we’ll be able to break out of this quarantine anytime soon, so I hope this helps your situation. I pray that this ends soon, and that all of our families and loved ones stay safe and protected from this virus.

Thank you for submitting this question, as I am sure so many people can relate whether it’s with their mothers, spouses, children, roommates, or anyone else they are quarantined with! I can’t wait to hear back with an update (hopefully a positive one) of how things worked out.

Wishing you the best of luck!

XOXO,

Ayah