We are pleased to announce Vanessa Cañas as AM Women’s second Muslim Woman of the Month!
If we had to describe Vanessa Cañas in one word, it would be vibrant. And it’s not just because of her highly contagious giddy laughter, but because she’s making some actual noise in the community with her size-inclusive, modest clothing brand, Modestly Cupcake.
As a plus-size woman and Latina convert, Cañas was tired of being ignored and feeling like she’s not good enough, or that she doesn’t belong in both the fashion space and the Muslim community. She decided to carve out a space for herself and other women like her who aspire to be represented, accepted, and dressed as they are, in the way they deserve.
Despite all of the struggles she has faced and continues to face as a single mom and domestic violence survivor, Cañas remains positive, faithful, and strong–strong enough to uplift herself and others by openly sharing her story while creating loud, statement pieces for modest women of all sizes to enjoy. As the face of her brand, she is proving all of her naysayers wrong and is unapologetically claiming her seat at the table as a plus-size, modest, Muslim woman who “dares to be cupcake” each and every day.
In our talk, Cañas gives us all of the details about her brand and what inspired it, as well as advice on how to love ourselves and be more body positive. She also shares her story of how she converted to Islam and why she began wearing the hijab, as well as her domestic violence experience.
Read on to learn more about Vanessa Cañas’ inspirational story, her brand, and how you, too, can #DaretobeCupcake.
How did you discover Islam?
I became Muslim when I was 16, and not because I met somebody, fell in love, or got married. I fell in love with the religion itself. I was soul searching at that age for some reason. There was this longing, this emptiness, and I knew deep down in my heart that it was religion and God that were missing from my life. I didn’t grow up in an ultra-religious household. We were Roman Catholic by name not by action. I studied Christianity for a while, and with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. But nothing resonated with me. Then I saw this documentary on the history channel about Islam, and I was like Oh my God. This is it. This is the real deal. My mom came home from work one day, and I told her, ‘I am really thinking about studying this religion and becoming Muslim.’ She looks at me and says, ‘But, Vanessa, look at how these people treat their women. How could you say that you want to be part of something like that?’ I said ‘Mom, you can’t believe everything you see on the news.’ And she said, ‘You’re right. At work, there’s a guy, I think he’s Muslim, I’ll talk to him. Let’s see what happens.’ So, she went to work the next day, came home, and said ‘Guess what, he’s Latino and Muslim, and his wife is also Puerto Rican and Muslim.’ She gave me her number, and I called her up immediately. I fasted that Ramadan, and then I took my Shahada right after. The best part is that my mother became Muslim two years after I did. I was so excited.
It’s great that your mom was so supportive of your decision. That must have made things a little easier for you.
She’s definitely been very supportive and open-minded from the beginning. She opened up so many doors and left them open for me to explore and figure myself out. I have a few friends that actually reverted because they didn’t have that support. A lot of born Muslims don’t realize that, when you become Muslim, you lose your family for the most part, and then you come into this community that does not truly really accept you. That’s devastating.
What was it about Islam that made you feel it was the right religion for you?
When I was studying other religions, they required a blind faith kind of worship and I’m the kind of person that also likes to use logic. I really loved the duality that Islam has to offer, the challenges that Allah puts out, and His words that aren’t really found in any other religion. He challenges us to find fault in the religion. He encourages us to go out, seek knowledge and be critical thinkers. That is so important because, if you don’t, you can go to a very distasteful extreme in any religion. So, I really loved that Islam incorporates spirituality with your own intellect and logic when living out your life. Islam straightened out my path and made it so much clearer. It grounded me and taught me self-control. Everything we practice every day is teaching us how to behave ourselves, be better people, and refine our character. I haven’t always been entirely cautious, even as a Muslim, but it has definitely kept me out of a lot more trouble.
Hijab is power. It’s a choice. It’s my empowerment. It’s my definition, and if you don’t like it, tough.
How did you start wearing the hijab?
I took a trip to Columbia. I was there within the Muslim community, and I saw all these girls that were just like me–that spoke my language, got the culture, and everything. When you’re a Muslim in Columbia, you truly are a minority. It’s so difficult for them to be Muslim openly, but they were just so proud of being Muslim. They did not care. They would wear their hijabs, practice, pray, and make it to the mosque even though it was far away. It was so inspirational and gave me that spiritual boost, like If they can do it here, then I can totally do it in America. That’s what truly gave me the push. Everyone in the world wants to identify a certain way, and wearing a veil is what sets you apart from everyone else. It’s definitely a skin that you grow. At first, you notice every single little thing and person staring, but the more you become, in a way, rebellious against their biases, it becomes so much easier. I wear the veil. What are you going to do about it? I am not going anywhere.
What does the hijab mean to you?
The hijab for me is the choice to reveal what I want and not what I don’t. For me it’s liberation. We live in a society that overly-sexualizes and objectifies women, and I am taking back what defines me as a woman in this society. I don’t feel like a woman defined that definition of empowerment. The only people that truly benefit from the over-sexualization and objectification of women are men. So, for me, hijab is redefining myself as an individual that doesn’t need to show her body, be sexual, or sensual in any way to be considered an equal in society, and to do things that any other person can do. Hijab is power. It’s a choice. It’s my empowerment. It’s my definition, and if you don’t like it, tough.
All of the pretty designs and really cool, beautiful things are in smaller sizes, but just because I am a big woman doesn’t mean that I don’t like to dress pretty. I love dressing pretty. I love feeling pretty.
What is Modestly Cupcake?
Modestly Cupcake is a size-inclusive modestwear brand that carries sizes from XS to 4X. My intention was to bring a line of clothing that catered to the very underserved modest Muslim American consumers. Everyday modestwear in America, for the most part, is rather dull. I come from a very vibrant cultural background and we love to express ourselves through our clothing. I am a plus-size woman myself, and it’s very difficult to find clothing within the Muslim market space that actually fit me properly. All of the pretty designs and really cool, beautiful things are in smaller sizes, but just because I am a big woman doesn’t mean that I don’t like to dress pretty. I love dressing pretty. I love feeling pretty. I knew there were other people like me that wanted more, something that wasn’t just black, grey, dark navy, or floral print. I wanted something totally different and colorful like cupcakes with sprinkles on top. And I wanted to make sure that what I made would fit me properly and flatter my body shape. Most designers and brands don’t understand a woman’s shape once it’s a little bigger than your standard smaller sizes. You can put anything on a thin woman, and she will look gorgeous, but it takes true mastery to make a plus-size woman feel comfortable and happy with what she’s wearing. It’s also really difficult to dress modestly in America, even if you’re not wearing hijab. As a woman there is so much pressure to feel like you’re worthy by being more revealing. I wanted to make it easy for women to choose modesty, and to feel fun and cute while doing it.
How do you get the inspiration for your designs and for your brand?
For me, cats are the new floral. I wanted the prints to be really fun and make a statement because I love making statements. I love it when I go out, I’m wearing hijab, and a woman comes up to me that would usually never even think about coming up to me and says, ‘Oh my gosh I love your dress! I love your style!’ I want people to look at me and think that I am that approachable Muslim woman who is perfectly worthy of being your friend, and having a normal conversation like there is nothing in between us. No barrier because of my hijab. No bias or any type of fear. There are so many Muslim women I’ve talked to here in the community that just don’t feel like they belong. It’s so difficult to put on a smile every day when you feel like you don’t belong in the land you’re stepping on.
We don’t have to assimilate just because that’s what others want. We can be who we are, and it’s in no way damaging to anyone in society or to ourselves.
What is the message/story behind your brand’s webcomic?
I wanted to have something out there for Muslim women that are having a hard time in society. In MA, I don’t really get any type of stink eye or anything that I know of, and people are generally very accepting, but that’s not the case everywhere in the U.S., or in the world for that matter. It’s something to laugh at, relate to, make you think critically about our situation, and make you proud of who you are and who we are as a community. We don’t have to assimilate just because that’s what others want. We can be who we are, and it’s in no way damaging to anyone in society or to ourselves. We shouldn’t have to cave under pressure just because something so natural to us feels foreign to others.
How can other brands and people be more inclusive of different body types?
We have been sucked into this vortex of perfection, but who defines that perfection? Who said that I am not worthy, perfect or deemed as someone who deserves to be dressed? I want to know. We start by tossing the ideology and ignorance that a woman or anybody has to look a certain way. We are so much more than just that one definition. I rarely see that super tall, thin, perfect woman that’s on the front of magazines. But I could go anywhere, and I see women like me all of the time. Where is that beauty on the magazines? What about me? What about us? When I was in middle school, I went to this store to buy clothes for a fresh new year. I gathered all of the biggest sizes that I could find, and I went to the dressing room. I started to try on a pair of pants and they wouldn’t go past my thighs. I started crying in the dressing room because I was just so disgusted with myself. I thought, What kind of animal could not fit into the biggest size pants that this store carries? I felt so small and not worthy of anything. It was very heartbreaking and demoralizing, and that shaped how I saw and felt about myself. Sometimes, I would shop in the guy section and wear really baggy clothing because I felt so unworthy of wearing female clothing. No brand should ever make a girl or woman feel like she’s not worthy, or define her sense of self-importance in this world.
How did you build your confidence and learn to love yourself? Can you share your journey to self-love?
The journey to self-love is an ever-evolving one. It’s an everyday struggle because women are always plagued by feelings of unworthiness. A woman will compare herself to every other woman in the world and think herself inferior. I think it’s something that modern-day society built to plague women, and it becomes so detrimental to the progress of womankind. It affects her everyday life, relationships, work, her environment, and her inner environment. I don’t think that it’s something you can fully recover from, but you can find ways to counteract those feelings of unworthiness and negate those thoughts whenever they come by. There are days when I look in the mirror and I do not feel beautiful or worthy of love, success or happiness, but these are just thoughts. They are like waswasa to keep you from progressing and being the best that you can be. We wouldn’t tell our best friend that they are fat, ugly and would never amount to anything, so why do we do it to ourselves? It’s a ridiculous mindset that we have to work out of. My journey to self-love began saying to myself that I am worthy, that I am capable of doing what everybody else is capable of doing, and I can be my best me. I love everything about me–even the things that I hate I love because they make me who I am. We are never going to be the people that we think are the optimal image of success. We are going to be our own selves because we’re all on different paths. Our journey to self-love and success is based on what is written for us.
I can’t tell you how many times my ex-husband used to tell me, ‘Who’s going to want you after me? You’re lucky that I’m with you.’ And so I had that cowardice, like he’s right, who would want me?
You are pretty open about sharing your domestic violence experience with your followers on Instagram, do you mind sharing your story with us?
My mom was a single mom and my father was never around, so I didn’t know what a relationship was. I got married when I was very young, and I didn’t know what to expect. All I knew was that Islam says this about certain situations, or the Quran might say that. My ex-husband used to use a lot of things out of context. The angels will curse you. Allah’s throne shakes at the mention of divorce. Women are going to be the main inhabitants of hell because they’re ungrateful or because they are like this or that. Things like this put a lot of fear and guilt on the shoulders of women, and they endure when they don’t have to–when they shouldn’t. There’s a lot of taboo placed on divorce. She will never be remarried. She’s tainted. She’ll never be worthy of finding a man or being in a healthy relationship. So, she feels like this is the best that she can do. I can’t tell you how many times my ex-husband used to tell me, ‘Who’s going to want you after me? You’re lucky that I’m with you.’ And so I had that cowardice, like he’s right, who would want me? When you put all of the pressure that society puts on women in general on top of that like–I’m not worthy; I’m chubby; I’m not that pretty; my skin is not pearly as white; I don’t have blue eyes; I already have a child; My body is ruined; I don’t have this; I don’t have that–a woman just stays there. She endures, and her health deteriorates. I can’t tell you how unhealthy I became being in that situation because stress does kill you slowly.
How did you get through that and finally decide to leave?
There was an altercation that happened in my house where they arrested him. A police lady gave me a whole bunch of pamphlets on what domestic violence is and who I can reach. I called the YWCA, a woman’s organization, and they offer domestic violence support. I ended up getting this lovely Moroccan woman who just understood the situation, pressure, and what being Muslim is. I talked to her the first time around, and she said “Listen, there is no pressure to leave because if we tell you to leave, you’re just going to go right back. You have to decide when it’s time for you to leave. But I will tell you this, it is very dangerous for you to stay because it’s only going to get worse. And she was right, it really did only get worse. Once a man knows that he can get away with this one thing, he tries to push to see what else he can get away with because nobody is putting a stop to it. I ended up calling her again, and she was very supportive. She helped me through a lot, and so did having my mother around. She was like ‘You can come stay with me, just leave,’ and so I did. That made it easy and also praying for that way out. Find a support group or a support system within your community. It doesn’t have to be the Muslim community. The U.S. has a lot of organizations that help with domestic violence affairs and they get you help, give you counseling, and there are hotlines you can call and talk to if it is safe for you. There are a lot of resources out there, but at the end of the day, you have to decide enough is enough, I am not going to do this anymore. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m going to walk right through it.
Was your husband Muslim?
He was Muslim. He was actually a Latino convert like myself, and I like to point that out because a lot of people have that stereotype that an Arab or a Muslim man is abusive. No, it can be anybody actually. [Abuse] does not have a religion, nationality, ethnicity, or culture. It does not discriminate. It’s everywhere.
I am a broken woman, and I’m going to be a broken woman for the rest of my life.
How can we be better supporters of women going through domestic violence or that have gone through domestic violence?
The Muslim community is very behind on these issues. Every time a woman has something to say about her husband, is looking for a divorce or any type of help, there’s usually a man there. It’s either a sheikh or the leading brother in the community that tells her to be patient when her husband is not a good person, and they are causing so much damage. The damage is practically irreparable. I am a broken woman, and I’m going to be a broken woman for the rest of my life. Appointing women to help with women issues is a big thing for every single community, and having more women take initiative in the community that have suffered domestic violence, and are able to give resources to other women. Checking up on women more. Sometimes, a woman suffering from domestic violence will come once to talk about it, and she’ll never be seen again. What happened to that woman? Is she still suffering? Speaking to the youth. From them, we’re able to get a very clear, open, and vulnerable view of what’s happening at home. They have a lot to say and can give us some insight on what’s going to help them. There’s this Latina Muslim event that I go to a couple of times a year in New York. Our last event was about domestic violence. There was this lovely Arab girl that joined us. She started bawling and said, I am just so terrified of getting into a relationship because I don’t know what a healthy relationship is. She grew up witnessing one of her parents being abused. So, she doesn’t know how to identify love, healthy interactions or anything. We have to speak more about what a relationship is, and using not only Islamic texts, but also real-world research that has helped countless people build healthy relationships. It’s important to give others the strength and the voice to get out of the situation they’re in. If they see someone leaving and doing other things, then hopefully they’ll gather some of the strength to do the same.
Mashallah, how are you able to be so strong after all of the struggles you have faced?
I do not feel strong. I feel itty bitty most of the time, and scared. Out of my mind scared. You just have to keep doing it and hope for the best. You pray that it will all end, and that all of that struggle will eventually pay off. Allah will make it manifest into something amazing for sure. I would not be standing here talking to you about this if I stayed in that situation. The human being was created with the potential to be incredible. You have the power to do anything. You just have to dare to be cupcake.
Nothing will change unless you seek that change.
How can we #DaretobeCupcake?
See the ledge and jump. You have to get out of your comfort zone and not look back. You won’t find happiness in it. You will not progress. Nothing will change unless you seek that change. It’s looking in the mirror and saying, I’m worth so much more than this. I’m capable of doing, being, and having so much more. We’re not built to settle. Cupcakes are happy being who they are, and they don’t care what anybody has to say about it.
What can we look forward to from Modestly Cupcake?
I will be coming out with new patterns and styles for a full fall line. A hijab, shoe, and accessory collection are coming soon, too. I am building up the collection to eventually be featured in a major department store. So, Inshallah, you will be seeing Modestly Cupcake in a department store sometime in the future.
Check out the super cute and fun styles and prints of her current collection, here. Stay up to date on what Cañas and Modestly Cupcake have in store you, and keep up with her webcomic by following them on all socials @modestlycupcake.
Loved the video! I love that there’s more people shedding light on Muslimah entrepreneurs so that we can all support one another! #bosswomensupportingbosswomen
I honestly believe the world really needs more people like Vanessa Cañas. I say that because it seems to me when she created her company it wasn’t just for herself, it was for everybody! She’s not leaving out anybody she’s including all of the people that society tends to forget about.
I love that she has such creativeness and makes such beautiful dresses and that, unlike many other online stores, they’re not costing a couple of hundred dollars.
I love the unique cloth that she picks, because I think your clothes should be fun and make you feel good and that’s exactly what her dresses do!
She has managed to capture both elegance and whimsy at the same time and make it a package that can complement all of us.